So quick run through of my life. Single since January. Sucks.

Chillin with Zizi, sucks.

No just kidding. (: <3

Uhhhhhh...nothing interesting to say, actually.

I haven't updated in like two months, and I hate to say it, but my mood hasn't really changed since then. All I've felt is cold, and empty, and broken. Joe and I broke up on the 19th of January, day before Inauguration, thats the only reason I remember. I cried, a lot. And I wasn't over him until...god, maybe two or three weeks ago. I'm glad I got over him though. He's really a douchebag, like legit. I don't know what I EVER saw in him.

Right now, I like two people. One of them, I guess something could happen, if I tried hard enough. But I haven't got a shot in hell with the other guy. But its chill, I can deal. Its not like I have the energy lately to care at all. Nick keeps getting mad at me because I just don't care enough anymore. He keeps asking why I never wanna talk about his problems anymore.

And its because I've got enough problems of my own. Right now, I should be writing my pageant paper about Marshall Courts, because I only have til like 6:50 because I have to go tutor Jenna in French at 7. But whatever, I can do it when I get home. I guess. Fml.

I really just wish high school was over right now. I wish I was a little kid again. Life was SO MUCH EASIER when we were just kids. Seriously. It all started going downhill after fifth grade.

There is like one bright spot on my week, and thats wednesday cause it's probably gonna be pretty fun. I dunno. Hopefully it'll be pretty legit. I'm working every day except today this week. Half day wednesday, so I have like 3.75 hours to chill. suhweeeet. (:


Idk what to say. We just started reading Catcher in the Rye in English and I love Holden. Legit, I feel like I totally understand his character and what he's going through. He's pretty awesome, no lie.

I gotta go write this paper now. =/


Peace

really cold and empty rght now. It happens a lot when I read this story, "The Unforgettable Fire". It's a fanfic, but it's so perfectly written, and I empathize entirely with the ice queen lead. I understand how she feels, though I'm not nearly as talented as she is. I wish I was. Perfect, that main is. Except she's an Ice Queen, cool and reserved and perfect. Wish I was like that.

I could do without pain. It'd be nice. So I left Steven's sweatshirt on his seat last day before break. And today I saw it hanging on the doorhandle of his first period class and I was like wtf haha. I'm tempted to take it back and drop it in front of him. He was behind me today in the hallway and I was talking to Jon and he completely pulled him back and I was just like JON wtf and grabbed his jacket and pulle dhim back to my walking pace. And he was like "You're not still bitter, are you?" And I was like "No, I was talking to you and you ditched me for a FROSHIE. Ho-bag." That was the depth of it. It's still awkward though. Oh well, if it never passes, I don't care.

Love Joe<3
More than I ever did Steven. Legit, way more.


We've been together, what, two and a half months almost. I like him, a lot. A whole lot :]. <3. I honestly don't know what i'm going to do when he goes to Virginia Tech in the fall. Probably cry. A LOT. Like, a lot. We're probably still going to be together. My relationships generally last for a while, recently anyway. Seven months, and that was my first real relationship. I mean, Gabe, you and I didn't really DATE. I was in Cape May the entire time. And then we just hooked up. And John and I...wtf. That was just a weird relationship. Idk. But I feel differently about Joe than I do about anyone else.



Except right now, I'm feeling really empty. It might be because its "that time of the month" lol. But no, I think its something else. It happens when I read this. I take on Ginny's attitude. Her ice-queen mentality. I'm cool and calm and collected and I smile but don't mean much of it. I love my life, I do, but I can't ever say I'm happy. It's just not possible anymore, is it?

Micayla and I don't takl much anymore.

if at all.

what happened.


I just feel entirely...unemotional. Its so strange.

but I felt like I needed to post them again. Okay? Okay :]


1. Touch her waist.

2. Actually talk to her.

3. Share secrets with her.

4. Give her 1 of your sweatshirts [to keep]

5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?

6. Hug her.

7. Hold her.

8. Laugh with her.

9. Invite her everywhere.

10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

KEEP READING

11. Smile with her.

12. Take pictures with her.

13. Pull her onto your lap.

14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.

15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking of someone?

16. Always hug her and say hi whenever you see her.

17. Kiss her unexpectedly.

18. Hug her from behind around the waist.

19. Tell her she's beautiful.

20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.

21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.

22. Tell her she's your everything - ONLY if you mean it.

23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her.

24. Make her feel loved.

25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE IT AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US

26.DON'T lie to her

27.DON'T cheat on her!

28.Take her ANYWHERE she wants

29. Text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.

30. Be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.

ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER BECAUSE, IT'S IMPORTANT

31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too.

32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.

33. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).

34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.

35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her.

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT

36. When people DISS her, stand up for her.

37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.

38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so you can cuddle.

39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.

40.When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED

41.Call or text her E V E R Y n i g h t to wish her SWEET DREAMS

42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears.

43. Take her for LONG walks at night.

44. ALWAYS remind her how much you love her.

45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much u love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.

46.Rub her back--feels good

47.Give her your coat if she's cold--thats always cute :)

48.Write letters on her back with your finger--feels good =]

49. Let her sit on your lap

50. DON'T poke her hard...but if you want to mess around just do it lightly.

51. HOLD her HAND in PUBLIC.

52.Even if she looks BAD one day tell her she's BEAUTIFUL

53. Keep conversations flowing...talk about anything usually they just go along with it.

54. If their hair is in their face move it out of her face and then kiss her passionately and gently.

55. Surprisingly sneak up on her and hug her from behind--loves it.

56. Kiss her in the rain.

57. Pick her up like in The Notebook and kiss her.

58.Slow dance with no music

59. Don't ignore her or be nervous around her--everything is going to be okay.

60. Love her, kiss her, hold her, and you'll be good to go.







1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house [without notice]...they run around in their underwear just like we do...lol

2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the hat.

4. NEVER miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5. DON'T refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

8a. If you don't sleep with them, DO NOT tell your friends that you did.

8b. If you DO sleep with them, DON'T tell your friends that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

11a. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..

11b. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, ONE OF HIS SWEATSHIRTS [to keep] and a really PRETTY RING or NECKLACE (plastic ones from machines count). Even if it's not a serious relationship. (the sweatshirt is the most important item here :) )

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, PULL YOUR GIRLFRIEND CLOSER.

16. NEVER, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding.

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them WITHOUT being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful.

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt her more if you draw it out.

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.

31. NEVER, and i mean NEVER make her do anything she doesn't wanna do. Because if you do she'll think that you're only after one thing. (and i think you all know what that is)

32. Never use her as a trophy to show off and make other boys jealous,thats just wrong and girls will eventually figure it out!

33. Never make her feel like she's just a temporary thing. She might not say it, but she cares about you.

34. Don't lie to her, but remember, she has feelings and you can hurt her easily.

i'm just like what the fuck right now. my moods are so swingy. maybe i'm dying?


whatever

i hate how i feel right now
i don't even wanna write about it.
at all.
must go find a diary
that nobody else reads.


best song ever?
"the last night" -- skillet

So I'm bored. I'm gonna write a list of things I HAVE, HAVE, HAVE to do before I graduate high school.

1. Kiss in the rain.

2. Get pushed against a wall and get kissed

3. Tell Shelby how much I fucking hate her guts

4. Run for Student Council, and NOT LOSE

5. Have sex, nuff said. rofl. [idk why thats there.]

6. Road trip with my friends. [this can happen during summer after senior year]

7. Spring Break Trip avec mes amis!

8. Get my black belt!

9. Get complete control over my temper

10. I'll figure this out later.

okay so uh


bored. yeahhhhhhhh


i'm at joe's house. his computer sucks
no lie.

but thats okay.













yeah i'm still bored but i needed to update cause i'm fucking amazing like that.

uhmmmm


yeah.
the end

haven't updated in over a month. People are mad at me. Not a lot of people, but I think someone who means a lot to me is mad at me, but I don't know why. I can't live like this, but until I figure it out, I might have to. So there' sthis boy. His name is Joe. He's a senior to my sophomore. He's the captain of the swim team. He's pretty much amazing.

To me at least.

:]















but today sucked hahahaha

is awful. I'm really distant lately and I'm sorry guys, I really am. But right now the only way to stop from hurting is to distance myself and even that isn't helping because he knows how i feel about him and he still talks about how much he just wants to find ONE GIRL WHO LIKES HIM. and that he likes back. ouch. that really hurt. i actually shed some tears at that. he's so stupid sometimes. i'm sorry.


okay i've been distant lately and i'm sorry but school is hard, life is hard. this world is hard. i'll be better once tennis season is over. I swear it. I will be.


















if i keep telling myself i'm okay
it'll eventually be true